It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
