Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
