All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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