don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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