found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
