My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
