I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize