Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
