if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
