im six kinds of drunk right now
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
