I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
