What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
