I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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