im drinking this country out of the recession.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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