Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
