I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
