allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Pants 0. Shit 1.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
