Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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