Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
