did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
