my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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