Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
