ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
