dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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