Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
