i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
