There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
