I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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