Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
