It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
