Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
