That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
