I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
