i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
