I hate your face
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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