You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
