God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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