you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
