i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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