YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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