wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
