Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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