he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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