im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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