he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
