its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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