Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You work out of a Hotel?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
