Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
