I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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