i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
