so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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