Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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