we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
