Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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