Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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