Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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