friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
