her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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