dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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