So drunk its hurt
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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