We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The Olympian is in my bed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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