he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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