How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
