Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
