i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
